Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
