On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
