youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
