So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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