Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
