No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
