if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
