you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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