im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
