The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
