But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize