so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We have started to decorate penises.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
