So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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