thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
