so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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