My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
