You made me cry and you don't even care
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
God, I missed his penis.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
