I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i out mim tonsoeep
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