I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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