Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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