He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
