Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
