I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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