I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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