she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
