are you still at the devil's house?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
