My sheets look like a crime scene.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
