Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
