we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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