I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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