what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
