Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
