I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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