My liver just broke up with me...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
