Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
