Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
did i walk over a car last night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
