i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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