Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
