i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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