honey bunches of taint.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
