my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
