Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize