lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
