if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
