No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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