Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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