Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
