I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
