i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize