i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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