Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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