Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
