At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
