apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
