they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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