i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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