Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
