Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
