My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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