Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
