Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
