i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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