And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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