I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
