thus making me awesome and them whores
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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