mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
