marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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