just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
