dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
