after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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