A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize