If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
