The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
