what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
