I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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