What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
how does that bad decision feel?
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