next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
