OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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