1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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