Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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