Got a toothbrush?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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