First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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