Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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