First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
