i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think my moral compass just broke
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