So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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