I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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