Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
