there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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