i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
