There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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