im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize