I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
