M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
