for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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