Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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