insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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