As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
