Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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