Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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