i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
