Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
